


Teach me how to love myself

by Graceful_Ashes



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Student/Teacher, I think i've covered most of it, I'm not really sure how to tag..., Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, Implied Sexual Abuse, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Slow Build Castiel/Dean Winchester, Student Cas, Student Sam, Teacher Dean, mentions of abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-13
Updated: 2016-08-13
Packaged: 2018-08-08 14:21:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 11,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7761244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Graceful_Ashes/pseuds/Graceful_Ashes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel's new Math teacher maybe handsome but he's also kind and determined to see the students in his class achieve to the best of their abilities. Cas happens to one of the students who is working at a level far below what he is capable of. But between his troubled home life and the strange feelings he's developing for his teacher, Cas is struggling to keep it together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This may be a mishmash between English and American words because we'll I'm from England and I read alot of American fics and books. I'm sorry for any spelling and grammar mistakes, I take full responsibility but here have virtual cookies! *Throws cookies at you and runs away from said responsibility*

Cas is late. First day back at school and he's running late. He half walks, half jogs down the street. He turns a corner and when the school comes into view, he lets out a sigh of relief at seeing students still huddled outside. Crossing the road, Cas hears the bell ring and picks up his pace again. He forgoes putting his books in his locker, he doesn't have time.

Peeking into the classroom Cas sees that a total of five students have already arrived. The heaviness in his chest dissipates a little.

Taking a seat in the back of the classroom, Cas pulls out his books while the rest of the class files in. Five minutes after the warning bell rings there's still no teacher and Cas is starting to bitterly regret skipping breakfast.

Suddenly the door clicks open and the class quiets down, watching as a new face walks in. The man looks to be no older than in his early twenties, with sandy blond hair, and a strong, symmetrical jaw. He's slim and well toned with broad shoulders. Cas can understand why half the girls in his class are leaning forward in their seats.

"Sorry I'm late, I got lost and ended up in the cafeteria where I found-" He lifts up a plate of pie "-this little slice of heaven" He puts the plate down, instead picking up a piece of paper and turning to the board scribbling equations "Tell you what, whoever finishes these first and gets them all right, I'll let have a slice of my pie. Sound good?" He turns back around to address the class.

There's a murmur of agreement before several of the girls and a couple of boys start scribbling away like their life depends on it. Cas squints at the equations on the board, trying to decipher them but truthfully, Cas doesn't know where to begin.

It's not that Cas is necessarily bad at Maths, he just finds the subject hard to grasp. Cas transferred to this school two years ago to find the material being taught was alot further a head than his last school. He spent a year struggling to catch up but eventually he did with the exception of Maths. The Maths teacher Cas had the first year he arrived here, took a job at another school and since then Cas' class has been switching between substitute teachers, neither of them that great at teaching Maths.

Cas flicks through his text book and writes down the formula example. For 5 minutes Cas attempts and re-attempts to apply the equations on the board to the formula given.

"Castiel?" His name being called finally registers in his mind, he glances up to see most of the class looking at him, a couple of them snickering. It takes him a minute to realise the teacher is doing roll call.

"...yes" Cas feels heat filling his cheeks and ducks his head to look back at his almost blank paper.

"Hannah Nathans?" The teacher moves on to the next name on the list.

Once the teacher is finished with roll call, he claps his hands gaining the attention of the class. Cas sees him holding several pieces of paper and a green pen.

"The winner of this delicious piece of pie is...April Lawson" He wraps a slice of pie in some tissue and hands it to April as she stands to receive it.

"By the way, I'm Mr Winchester...but I hate that so you have to call me Dean. Unless there's another teacher around, then I'm Mr Winchester, got it?"

There's a chorus of "Yes Dean" and a few giggles tact on the end. Then Dean passes out some worksheets.

"I'd like you to complete the problems on the sheets being passed 'round. If you don't get somethin', put your hand up and I'll go through it with you" some girl's start to giggle and whisper, Cas thinks they'll probably 'need help' and sighs.

"I'm just testin' to see what you already know" Dean continues "Don't get worked up about it and don't ask for help unless you really need it." He gives the group of giggling girls a pointed look "I want you to give it your best shot."

Cas takes a sheet from the pile handed to him and passes the pile along. Staring down at the sheet Cas spots two out of the twenty questions that he can actually do, he decides to do them first.

Dean walks down aisles between the desks looking around for anyone he thinks might be struggling, that and he's avoiding the pile of paperwork he has already, stacked on his desk.

Cas frowns down at the paper and scribbles out his working out once again. It's useless, Cas either hasn't been taught the formulas or hasn't understood them. He moves on to the next question, which doesn't look much better. A hand presses down on the edge of his desk and another on the back of his chair.

"You alright?" Cas glances up as Dean's voice rumbles in his ear. Dean's peering down at his paper full of scribbles.

"Um yes I..." Cas falters "I'm having difficulty" he sighs.

"That's alright, whatcha stuck on?" Dean picks up the problem sheet and then Cas' paper and skims through it.

Cas hesitates "...all of it?"

Dean looks back up at that. "Okay..." Dean clicks his tongue in thought "how about I go through these with you" he points to several problems on the sheet then pulls out his pen and circles them "and we'll go over the rest after school at some point?" Dean looks back at Cas questioningly.

Cas nods "Okay."

"Alright, Well this one..." Dean points to one of the problems and proceeds to explain it. Checking every so often to make sure Cas is following and having Cas work out parts of it for himself.

Once Cas gets the hang of it Dean leaves him to complete the last couple of (the circled) problems, and tends to two other students.

By the time the bell rings, Cas is quite proud with the amount of problems he's managed to solve. As he passes Dean's desk, Dean calls Cas over.

Cas comes to stand by the desk while Dean waits for the last student to leave the classroom "Right, I've got another student in need of after school tutoring but I'm givin' you first pick." He pulls out a pen and pad "What day's best for you? I'm free all week at the moment."

Cas thinks about this for a moment. Wednesdays he works at the library after school. The rest of the week he's free...but Friday his father gets home early from work.

"Friday" Cas decides.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of physical and sexual abuse in this chapter. Nothing too graphic, I wouldn't be able to stomach it.

Cas has Maths almost everyday of the week, Thursday being the exception.

Dean is just as brilliant of a teacher as he was on his first day. He teaches at the front of the class for the first half an hour, explaining the topic in a way that is easy to understand. He uses plenty of pictures and everyday items that a class of teenagers can relate to _'instead of 14 oranges, 'cause that's just stupid, let's have 14 cans of soda...'_

For the rest of the lesson Dean usually sets a task and spends his time going over everything individually with each student.

Cas has never found Maths so easy before. More importantly he's never enjoyed Maths the way he does now. Dean's helped Cas so much and it hasn't even been a week.

By Friday's Math lesson, the girls have surpassed the giggling and ogling, and moved on to probing into Dean's personal life.

"What's your favourite colour?" A girl called Courtney asks.

"Blue" Dean answers immediately.

"Do you have any siblings?" Another girls asks.

"Yeah, I have a younger brother, Sam." Dean's face lights up as he mentions his little brother.

"Does he go here?" Courtney pipes up again.

"Maybe" Dean teases.

The questions continue for another 15 minutes until Dean puts a stop to them, telling the girls to focus on their work.

When class finishes, April stops by Dean's desk. Cas can't hear what she's saying as he collects his bag from his spot at the back of the classroom, but judging by her body language he thinks she may be flirting.

Dean let's out a chuckle then sends her on her way. He looks up as Cas passes his desk.

"I'll see ya later, Cas" Dean winks at him. Cas feels blood rush to his cheeks and ducks his head in embarrassment as he exits the classroom.

* * *

For the rest of the day Cas works on autopilot. He can't quite put his finger on what it is about Dean that makes Cas like him so much. Except that he's the first teacher to take an interest in him, actually he's one of the few people in Cas' life to treat Cas with nothing less than kindeness.

Cas has very few friends. In fact he only has one actual friend, a shy boy called Samandriel; the other is his brother, Gabriel. His brother is 23 and moved out as soon as he turned 18. However, his father wouldn't let Gabriel take Cas with him and Gabriel hardly had enough money to care for himself let alone Cas, so Gabriel wouldn't of stood a chance in court. But Gabriel still wanted to try, it was only because Cas wouldn't let him, is why he didn't. Cas would rather put up with his father and be able to see Gabriel on the weekends than to be put in a foster home and never see Gabriel again. He didn't like it by all means but it was better than the alternative, he's well aware that he could get fostered by a family much worse than his father. The justice system was far from perfect. So Cas gets by with the few good things he has, Gabriel, Samandriel and the chance to do well in school, get a good job and rid his father from his life forever.

Cas sits in the cafeteria with only an apple for his lunch. Cas' father spends most of his money on booze and meals out for himself, usually leaving Cas at home with two slices of bread and a mouldy banana. Recently though Cas has been having dinner at Samandriel's or Gabriel's almost every night and Gabriel buys him a box of cereal every week, so he's not underweight like he use to be, although he only just hits the average weight marker.

Samandriel places his tray down on the table and hands Cas a slice of bread and the extra pudding cup he bought. It's been a routine for them since Samandriel found out about Cas' living situation. Samandriel's family doesn't know and Cas doesn't want them to, hence why he only eats at Samandriel's 2 or 3 times a week to avoid suspicion. Samandriel used the excuse that Cas likes Samandriel's mom's cooking better than his father's. Which is true, but mostly because Cas' father never cooks for him; although he use to until Gabriel moved out. Now his father spends most of his time out of the house, neglecting Cas instead of ...the other stuff. Cas prefers it's that way.

Cas accepts the food graciously. He ran out of cereal yesterday, because he'd been peckish and had more than one small bowl of cereal on Tuesday and Wednesday. Something he won't do again because now he'll have to wait until Sunday evening when Gabriel gives him another box.

Cas watches as Dean walks past their table and towards the dinner line.

"Is that the teacher you've been talking about?" Samandriel asks also watching Dean.

"Yes" Cas turns back to his piece of bread.

"He looks young" Samandriel comments.

"I believe he just turned 23 last month." Cas says nonchalantly and pulls the lid off his pudding cup.

Samandriel stares at him with wide eyes "Seriously?"

"Yes" Cas helps himself to the extra spoon on Samandriel's tray.

"And he already has a degree to be a teacher?" Samandriel asks in awe.

Cas nods "Evidently yes". He puts a spoonful of pudding in his mouth and fights the urge to close his eyes in pleasure.

"Wow" Samandriel continues to stare at Dean. Castiel doesn't blame him, Dean truly is amazing and also rather nice to look at.

"How was your Math class today?" Cas asks between spoonfuls of pudding.

Samandriel turns his attention back to Cas "Well you got lucky, because our new Maths teacher is an asshole"

Cas holds back a smile. Samandriel rarely swears so it's quite amusing when he does. Although the same could be said for Cas. "Why's that?"

"He hasn't taught us anything all week, just made us complete problems from the text book and today he gave us a test. We haven't learnt anything that was on that test!" Samandriel seeths.

Castiel agrees with Samandriel, his Math teacher does sound like an asshole.

"If he's not actually teaching you, perhaps you can report him"

Samandriel huffs "Yeah. I'll give it another week though, to see if he takes a hint"

"That sounds reasonable" Cas agrees.

They continue to talk idly until the bell rings. Then the two of them head to English.

* * *

Cas strolls through the corridors towards Dean's classroom. Students are pushing by eager to get home while others stand idly chatting.

Cas finds Dean hunched over his desk, writing on what looks to be a students piece of work. His head leans on one arm and his lips are tilted down. He looks generally fed up.

Cas knocks on the door to make his presence known.

Dean glances up and his lips curl into a smile "Hey Cas"

Cas blushes at the use of his nickname "Hello Dean"

Dean packs the pile of papers he was writing on back into his bag and clears his desk the best he can. "I got the work sheet right here, you did great on the problems we went through by the way"

Cas smiles shyly as he comes to stand near the desk.

When Dean's finished sorting his desk he turns to look at Cas then glances around the desk. "You'll need a chair" He nods towards the student desks.

Cas takes a chair from one of the desks and pulls it around beside Dean's chair.

"Right" Dean says once Cas has sat down "Let's go over algorithms..."

They go through various problems together for an hour. Cas would occasionally lose track of thought as Dean leaned over his shoulder. A few times Dean would whisper encouraging things in Cas' ear _'you're doing great, Cas'._ Sometimes they would take a break for a few minutes and just talk, Cas informs Dean of Mr Gerald, Samandriel's Math teacher. Dean explains all the reasons he doesn't like him and tells Cas he'll have a word with him.

Dean leaves Cas to solve a couple of problems on his own, to go outside and answer a call from his brother.

When Dean re-enters the classroom, Cas looks up. "Is everything Okay?"

"Yeah, Sammy's just going out with some friends tonight, so won't be there when I get back" Dean returns to his seat.

"Do you two live with your parents?" Cas isn't sure if that's too personal a question or not. Dean's been very open with him so far, going in to explicit detail about past girlfriends and such.

There's a beat of silence before Dean speaks "No, my dad died and my uncle Bobby took us in but he couldn't really afford us so I worked as a mechanic at Bobby's shop for a bit 'til I saved up enough for a place of our own." Dean had a slightly distant look on his face, Cas places a hand down beside Dean's, fingers brushing, Dean snaps out of his trance.

"You do the problems?" Dean changes the subject.

"Yes" Cas slides the paper towards Dean, for him to look over.

Dean looks over the work, ticking each correct step."These are great, Cas. You're a quick learner" Dean then checks the clock and looks back at Cas.

"You should probably get going, don't want you missing your dinner" Dean says.

Cas' mood sours slightly at that. _There's no dinner to miss._ Cas picks up his bag and moves to put his chair back from where it came.

"Do you need a ride?" He hears Dean ask.

"No, I only live a few blocks from here" Cas replies. ' _The longer it takes me to get home the better'._

"Alright, see ya Monday Cas" Dean starts packing his things into his own bag.

"Goodbye Dean" Cas leaves the classroom and mentally prepares himself for returning home.

* * *

Despite Cas' slow pace, he arrives home too soon for his liking. He's tempted to do another lap around the block but decides against it his father or a nosy neighbor has probably seen him already. So he walks up his drive and takes a deep breath before unlocking the door and pushing it open.

Cas' father comes to stand in the living room doorway.

"Where've you been?" He says gruffly.

Castiel fights the urge to cower under his father's gaze "After school tutoring, I wrote you a note" he gestures towards the kitchen where he left a note on the fridge.

"I don't read notes, you should of told me in person" His father speaks in a clipped tone.

 _You weren't here to tell_ "My apologies, father" Cas ducks his head in a submissive manner.

Castiel's father steps forward and grabs Cas' arm "Don't say it if you don't mean, Castiel"

Cas flinches he knows where this is going, he was hoping he could avoid it. He never can though.

"I'll make you sorry." His father hauls him against the wall. "You'll respect me one day, Castiel" a fist connects with Cas' stomach.

* * *

That night Cas lays in bed wincing everytime he moves. He hears his father stumbling up the stairs obviously drunk as there's a thump every few steps.

Cas turns over, ignoring the pain shooting up his side, and squeezes his eyes shut. He hears movement outside his bedroom door and attempts to even out his breathing. _Please go away. Please._

Cas' prayers go unheard as his bedroom door squeaks open."Casss" his father slurs "Casss-tielll, I know you're awake"

His father slumps onto the bed ,jarring Cas' bruises, and turns Cas over on to his back. Cas attempts to still feign sleep. "Open your eyes" his father commands, the words sounding more sober. Cas does as he's told.

"Tha's betterr" his father strokes a hand down Cas' cheek.

Cas avoids looking at his father's face and concentrates on a spot over his father's shoulder.

"I'm sorry I had to punish you. I only do it because I love you" his father presses a sloppy kiss to Cas' forehead "let me show you just how much"

The next hour is full of his father's sadistic declarations of love and cries of pleasure. While Cas lays quietly, hating himself for letting his father use him like this and fights the tears burning in his eyes.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is quite short but they'll get longer hopefully :P I already had this written when I posted the last chapters so future chapters may not be updated so quickly 

Cas spends Saturday and Sunday at Gabriel's while his father is out doing whatever it is he does.

Gabriel does his best to tend to Cas' wounds and keep him in good spirits. But the only thing that manages to lift the dark cloud is " _You'll be out of there soon. Another six months and you're free, Cas. Just like me"_ but Cas can't help the niggly feeling that his father won't let him go as easy as he let Gabriel.

By Monday morning, most of Cas' wounds have healed. They're still a little tender to the touch but Cas can move without much pain.

He keeps his head down in English, focusing on his work and ignoring Samandriel's worried glances. He does the same through Biology. Nobody bothers Cas for once, not even to ask for a pencil.

Maths is a different story. Hannah, a rather nice girl who Cas talks to on occasions, continually asks if Cas is Okay and sends sympathetic glances his way throughout the class. It grates on Cas' nerves. He turns to the front to see Dean also looking at him worriedly, Cas sighs and looks down at his paper pretending to write; hoping no one will bother him. He wishes he was actually completing his work rather than doodling in the margins but he can't concentrate enough to even work out the first problem.

"You alright?" Dean crouches beside Cas' desk.

The casual tone throws Cas a bit, but concern is evident in Dean's eyes and Cas shrinks away from it.

"I'm fine" Cas speaks with a confidence he doesn't feel.

Dean's eyes flicker from Cas to the door for a moment, but Cas chooses to ignore the subtle hint. He forces himself to concentrate on his work.

He sees Dean stand from the corner of his eye and feels a hand brush along his back and gently squeeze his shoulder. Cas watches Dean retreat back down the isle stopping at a couple of student's desks, a strange sort of comfort washes over him.

When the bell rings, Cas feels disappointed in himself for not being able to complete a single question. He watches as students hand in their work and stuffs his piece of paper in his pocket, hoping that through the flow of students Dean won't notice Cas hasn't handed anything in. He quickly gathers his stuff and makes his way to the door as discreetly as possible.

"Castiel?" No such luck.

Cas turns toward Dean and slowly approaches his desk. He watches longingly as the last student leaves the classroom.

"You didn't hand in your work" Dean says softly.

Cas wishes Dean wasn't being so nice to him. He doesn't deserve it. Cas pulls the blank piece of paper from his pocket and hands it to Dean, waiting for a good scolding or a detention. Although something tells him he's not going to get either and that upsets Cas all the more.

"We went through questions 1 to 3 and 6 to 9 during your tutoring lesson..." Dean looks up at Cas questioningly.

Cas shrugs "I guess I didn't quite grasp them"

Dean doesn't believe that and Cas knows it "Is there something on your mind, Cas?" Dean asks gently.

Cas can feel the memories of Friday night resurfacing and all the poisoness feelings that come with them. He shakes his head once "No, no I'm fine" He bites his lip and starts shaking his head vigorously "I'm fine" he hears his voice break and feels tears building in his eyes.

Dean stands from his desk, making to move towards Cas and comfort him. But Cas bolts from the room.

Cas ignores Dean calling his name and keeps running. He runs out of the school building, out of the parking lot and towards the park.

He only stops to catch his breath once he's amongst tree coverage. Focusing on the burn in his muscles and lungs Cas leans against a tree, but as the burning subsides the feelings catch up to him. His chest tightens and his eyes begin to sting again, tears are flowing from his eyes before he can stop them. He slides down the tree.

_Stupid, stupid. I shouldn't cry, this is my fault. It's my fault. All my fault. I brought this upon myself. So stupid. I'm so_ _stupid..._

The self-depreciating thoughts last half an hour until Cas' eyes are dry. Then Cas fixes himself up and walks home.


	4. Chapter 4

The next day Cas skips Math unable to face his teacher. He instead completes maths problems in the library.

He manages to complete several pages of Math problems before a commotion happens outside the library doors.

"...the fuck are you?" Cas hears Zack's voice float into the library. Zack is the school bully, Cas usually manages to avoid him.

"Somebody your own size, now leave him alone" comes another voice, this one unfamiliar.

"You don't get to tell me what to do" Zack says snidely.

"And you don't get to treat everyone like they're beneath you, but you still do" the other voice quips.

The librarian opens the doors and Cas catches a glimpse of Zack and a rather tall boy with long shaggy brown hair, standing beside a boy called 'Garth' Cas knows from his science class.

"What's going on out here?" The librarian asks sternly.

"Nothing" Zack huffs and walks away.

The tall boy and Garth head into the library smiling sheepishly at the librarian.

Garth spots Castiel and grins "Hey yo Castiel" his constant cheeriness is something Cas both admires and despises.

"Hello Garth" Cas looks from Garth to the boy standing beside him.

"Hi, I'm Sam" he smiles shyly back at Cas.

"Hello Sam"

"What you doing there, Castiel?" Garth asks leaning over Cas' book.

"Maths" Cas replies simply.

Sam's expression turns to one of interest "That's cool. My brother's a Math teacher so I'm pretty good at Maths. If you need any help..."

Cas furrows his brow "Does your brother teach here?"

Sam stuffs his hands in his pockets and rocks back on his heels "Yeah. You might know him, Mr Winchester?"

Cas fights the blush creeping up his neck at remembering how he'd run out on Dean yesterday "Yes I do. I'm in one of his classes"

"Yeah? Is he a dick?" Sam grins "I've never actually seen him teach."

Cas smiles "No he's actually rather good at teaching" Cas' smile widens "many of the girls have taken to him quite fondly"

Sam chuckles "Yeah he said as much. But thought he might be exaggerating, he likes to boast about stuff like that"

Cas smiles "Dean said you are planning to be a lawyer?"

"Seriously, Dean's sharing all my deepest, darkest secrets with his classes?"

Cas chuckles "I don't believe he's shared anything particularly dark. Yet." Cas smirks then continues more sincerely "He hasn't told my class much about you. He only told me that during my tutoring lesson."

Sam looks slightly relieved to know his brother wasn't boasting to half the school about him. "Your one of the students Dean's tutoring?"

"Yes" Cas nods.

"Cool. I think he mentioned you a couple of times" Sam smiles at him.

Cas briefly fears that Dean told Sam about yesterday but Sam doesn't seem to know about that.

"What Maths class are you in?" Cas eyes Garth as he flicks through a few pages of Cas' Math book, a look of immense concentration on his face.

"I'm taking a Sophomore class. I've learnt quite a bit off Dean so like I said, I'm pretty good at Maths" Sam blushes and smiles bashfully.

"That makes sense" Cas agrees.

The three boys continue chatting until the bell rings.

* * *

Cas manages to dodge Dean throughout most of the day. However, just as Samandriel is approaching the table with his tray of food, Dean catches sight of Cas.

Cas ducks his head. While Dean contemplates confronting Castiel or letting it go, for now. He eventually decides on the latter _If the kid skipped class so he wouldn't have to deal with me then might as well give him his space for today._

Cas feels his body sags in relief when Dean carrys on walking to his own lunch table.

"You Okay?" Samandriel asks, placing half a hot dog and a pudding cup in front of Cas.

Cas stares at Samandriel for a moment "...Yes"

Samandriel nods then digs into his lunch.

The next day, despite not really wanting to, Cas decides he can't avoid attending Maths forever so he slinks into the back of the classroom.

Dean walks in just before the warning bell sounds. He sets his stuff on the desk, writes a starter on the board and then begins roll call.

"Castiel?" Dean glances at Cas' desk to see a figure hunched over it, writing.

"Yes" Cas says half-heartedly, making sure to keep his eyes on his work.

There's a short moment of silence before Dean continues with roll call.

Dean walks around the desks helping a student here and there, taking his time before approaching Cas' desk.

Cas is in the middle of working out a problem when he feels a hand gently clasp his shoulder. He turns his head to see Dean crouching beside his desk.

"You alright?" Dean offers Cas a small smile.

Cas lowers his eyes to his desk for brief moment, gathering his courage before looking Dean in the eyes and responding "At the moment, yes"

"Good. Is there any questions you think you're goin' to struggle with? I might as well go through 'em now." Dean squeezes Cas' shoulder reasurringly.

Cas glances down at his work and then at the problems written on the board. "Um... the fifth and...ninth problem?"

Dean nods, looking at the board and finding the two problems before turning to Cas to start explaining the steps involved.

When class is over Cas packs away his things and heads for the door.

"Cas?" Cas stops and turns to look at Dean "Could I have a word?"

Any hope that the subject might of been dropped suddenly drains from Cas' body.

"Of course" Cas answers meekly. Ignoring the gawking he gets from a few of his class mates, he approaches the desk with his gaze glued to the floor.

Dean waits for the last student to leave the room before closing the door. He comes to stand beside Cas, leaning against the desk.

"What happened Monday?" Dean asks softly, yet straight to the point.

Cas' hands clench in his coat pockets and he bites his lip "...I was having a bad day" No use denying it, he tried that last time and look where that got him.

Dean leans toward Cas "Are you sure that's all? 'cause if there's anything else going on, the school could get you help for it...make it go away"

Cas hesitates. He wants to make it go away, but he's not sure he can trust the school to do that. He has little faith in the system because the system is flawed, greatly so.

Cas shakes his head "No...just a bad day"

Dean decides not to push him. If he's going to get to the bottom of this, he's gotta earn the kid's trust.

"Alright" Dean grabs a sticky note and a pen "I'll just write ya a note for your teacher and you can head to class."

Cas nods and accepts the note before leaving.

* * *

Cas walks with Samandriel into the cafeteria. Samandriel takes his place in line while Cas takes a seat at their usual table.

Looking around the cafeteria, Cas' gaze settles on a group of laughing girls a few tables over. They seem to have a deck of cards which they are presumably playing. Someone takes the seat beside Cas, snapping his attention away from the girls.

"Hey" Dean grins at him "you don't mind if I sit here, right?"

Cas just stares at him, unable to form a coherent sentence.

Samandriel approaches the table, taking his usual seat across from Cas. "Oh hi. Mr Winchester, right?"

Dean smiles at him "Just call me Dean"

"Hi Dean. Um...did you get bored of the teacher's table?" Samandriel attempts to politely phrase the question Cas was unable to ask.

Dean glances over at the teacher's table "Yeah" he sighs "All they talk about is grocery shoppin' and what soaps they're gonna to watch tonight"

"Oh." Samandriel looks over at Cas, nervousness evident in his eyes.

They sit in awkward silence, all attempting to focus on eating their food. Until Samandriel remembers to give Castiel his pudding cup.

"Is that all you're havin'?" Dean glances suspiciously at the pudding cup.

"Yes." Cas says quietly.

Dean seems to sense that Cas doesn't want to talk about it and instead asks "You want half my burger?"

Cas' first instinct is to say no. But he's been eyeing Dean's burger for the past 5 minutes. Burgers are probably Cas' favourite food but Samandriel isn't so keen on them, so he only gets them once every couple of weeks if the cafeteria isn't serving anything better.

Cas' lack of response seems to give Dean his answer, as Dean tears off half his burger and hands it to Cas.

Cas takes a hesitant bite and let's out a small moan of pleasure. Dean raises his eyebrows and casts a glance at Samandriel who shrugs and smiles sheepishly.

* * *

Over the course of the next few weeks, Dean continues to sit with Cas and Samandriel during lunch. The awkward silences become less frequent each day until they're virtually non-existent. Cas finds it easy to forget about his home life or that Dean is his teacher as he sits enraptured by one of Dean's stories.

"...and She said 'Dude, I said I was craving cream, not that I need shaving cream!' and I was like 'You know what, that makes a crap ton more sense'."

Samandriel starts heaving with laughter, probably more than the story is due, while Cas' lips quirk up in an amused smile.

Dean grins at Samandriel and turns to look at Cas, wagging his eyebrows. Cas huffs out a laugh just as the bells rings.

"Right, I gotta head off. Got a rowdy bunch of freshman to tend to."

"Goodbye Dean" Cas smiles.

"Bye Dean" Samandriel beams.

With a short wave Dean disappears through the cafeteria doors.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long! I was trying to get so far with the next chapter before I posted this one but I've admitted defeat and the next chapter may take a while, even longer now I've started college but I will try my best to finish this story. But for now up up and way...! *Insert superhero emoji here*

Every Friday plays out roughly the same. Cas will attend tutoring with Dean, they'll discuss various aspects of their lives between topics and Cas will leave school with not only a better understanding of Math but also a better understanding of Dean. He'll arrive home to his father, sometimes his father will beat him sometimes he won't. The nights are always the same though, his father will creep into his room, usually drunk but occasionally sober which makes it just that much worse. And when his father leaves Cas will curl up into a ball and cry himself to sleep. Or he use to, he doesn't cry so often anymore; these days he normally stares into space, feeling empty.

Dean will usually notice something's wrong come Monday morning, but doesn't pester Cas about it. Something Cas is eternally grateful for. Samandriel has long since caught on to the routine and gives Cas his space.

By Tuesday Cas has usually fallen back into routine and managed to separate his school life from his home life. _Usually_.

This time Cas is struggling. He's stuck in a rut he can't seem to get out off. This time his feelings have caught up to him, the empty feeling has been replaced by so many emotions he can't identify them all.

Cas goes through out the day feeling as though he is pushing against his low mood but he's not quite strong enough to lift it. Dean seems to sense this and approaches Cas during Math.

Cas doesn't bother to look up when he feels Dean come to stand beside his desk. He feels Dean's hand clasp his shoulder like usual before it starts rubbing down his back soothingly. Then Dean walks away.

Cas stares after Dean with a bemused expression on his face. He eventually tears his eyes away from Dean and back to his work.

When the bell rings Cas leaves the classroom in a daze, ignoring Dean's concerned eyes.

* * *

Cas only manages half a page of work during English. Luckily the teacher doesn't check their books this lesson, he'll have to complete the work for homework before his next English lesson though.

He makes his way from the English department to the cafeteria, taking his usual seat and searching for Samandriel among the long line stemming from the serving area. There's at least 20 people in front of Samandriel so Cas will be waiting for him a while.

Cas is observing the other tables when a plate is placed in front of him and Dean seats himself beside him. Cas eyes the burger suspiciously before turning a questioning gaze on Dean.

"You like burgers, right?" He says before taking a bite out of his own burger.

"Yes..." Cas answers hesitantly.

Dean's eyes sparkle with amusement as Cas continues eye the burger "You gonna eat it then?"

Cas glances at Dean before looking back down at the burger. He's unsure of Dean's intentions but taking into account that Dean has been nothing but good to him, he deems the burger safe to eat.

Dean watches Cas take a small bite out of the burger, his face lighting up before he takes another much larger bite. He's so focused on the burger that it's not until he's finished that he notices Dean watching him with a soft expression.

"Thank you, Dean" Cas says sincerely.

"No problem" Dean says just as Samandriel slumps down in his seat across from them.

"I am so hungry" Samandriel groans before stuffing a forkful of paster in his mouth. He frowns at the burger Castiel is holding for a moment before appearing to shrug it off and slide his extra pudding cup over anyway.

"The queue was long, huh?" Dean grins taking a bite out of what's left of his burger.

"You could say that" another forkful of pasta "you were lucky to get to the front" Samandriel continues around his mouthful.

Dean's grin widens "Ah the perks of being a teacher"

Samandriel flicks a piece of pasta at him "Hey!" Dean glares at the offending piece of pasta before turning his eyes back to Samandriel.

Samandriel offers an innocent smile as Castiel attempts to conceal his laughter. Dean turns his glare on Cas "What you laughing at?" This causes Cas to laugh harder. Dean smiles at the sight, it's probably the happiest Dean's seen Cas all day.

Dean can't help himself he reaches for Cas' hand under the table and squeezes his thumb. Cas smiles up at Dean, traces of mirth still evident in his features.

There's a sharp in take of breath before they hear Samandriel whine "Nooo" and turn to see him standing, brushing off what looks like half a plate of paster from his jeans.

Dean laughs outright. Cas covers a chuckles behind his hand.

"How'd you manage that?" Dean asks through his laughter.

Samandriel stares down at his plate in defeat "I knocked my plate" he mumbles.

Dean just laughs harder.

* * *

Through out the rest of the week Dean, Cas and Samandriel sit together. Sam joins them a few times, berating Dean and giving him as good as he gets in concern to teasing. Garth also sits with them a couple of times, he's not all that bad despite being inhumanly cheerful all the time.

During Friday's tutoring lesson, Cas is just finishing a problem while Dean rambles about his experience of taking Sam fishing for the first time; when the shrill of Cas' ringtone meets their ears.

Cas' stomach sinks, there's not many people who would ring Cas at this time of the day and he can take a pretty good guess at who it is. Checking the caller ID confirms Cas' suspicions, his father.

Cas excuses himself and takes the call outside.

"Father?"

"Castiel, where the hell are you?!" He sounds angry and more than a little drunk.

"I have tutoring this evening, remember?" Cas attempts to keep his frustration out of his voice.

"Get your ass back home" his father snaps.

"Father-" Castiel attempts to protest only to be cut off.

" _Now_ Castiel!" With that the line cuts off.

Cas sighs and takes a few grounding breaths before he walks back into the classroom.

Dean glances up at Cas' return. Cas picks his bag up from beside the desk and starts packing away his things "I have to go home"

Dean looks concerned "Everythin' alright?"

"Yes" Cas says before he can stop himself "I just- I have to go" Cas shoulders his bag and heads to the door.

"Wait, Cas." Dean calls

Cas turns to look at Dean. "Yes?"

Dean appears to be contemplating something before he settles with "I'll see ya Monday, yeah?"

Cas nods curtly "I'll see you Monday, Dean" The defeated tone of his words sounding in the air long after he's gone.


	6. Chapter 6

Monday morning Cas sits quietly at the back of the class while Dean teaches at the front. He tries his best to focus on the work but half an hour into lesson and he's only completed two questions from the board.

Cas drops his head in defeat just when he feels a hand grip the back of his chair.

Cas sighs about to lift his head when he feels something being slid under his arm. Turning his head Cas sees something wrapped in tissue on his desk and glances up just in time to see Dean walking away. He discreetly pulls the object into his lap and unwraps the tissue to find a slice of pie. Apple pie. Despite his mood he can't help but quirk a smile at the gesture. Dean doesn't like sharing pie and that first day of class was a one off to make a good first impression, Dean's been selfish with his pie ever since.

Cas wraps the pie back up and puts it in his backpack. He catches Dean's eye and smiles.

Cas' next two classes go by slowly. Cas eventually manages to focus and complete the mundane tasks set. When the bell rings, he sighs in relief and quickly heads to the cafeteria. He passes Sam just as he reaches the Cafeteria entrance.

"Hey Cas" Sam smiles

"Hello Sam" Cas smiles politely.

"Um..." Sam scratches his neck looking oddly nervous "You're good at biology right?"

Cas tilts his head "Yes"

Sam's face turns a light pink. "Well I've got this biology...uh assignment and it's kinda gone over my head. I was wondering if you would..um..if you could help me with it?" By the time Sam stops talking his face is bright red.

"Of course, Sam." Cas offers a reasurringly smile.

Sam seems to relax at that "Great, uh.. would you like to come over my place tonight. If your not busy, I mean."

"That is fine. I'll meet you in the parking lot after class?"

"Yeah" Sam grins "thanks Cas" he waves before continuing down the hall.

Cas watches him for a moment before opening the cafeteria doors.

Samandriel is already sat at they're usual table talking to Dean, who is standing beside the table putting plates down before plopping down in his seat across from Samandriel.

Cas approaches the table hungrily eyeing the plate of pasta placed in front of his usual seat.

"Is that for me?" Cas asks. He's become accustomed to the fact that Dean continually buys him lunch. Though Cas feels incredibly guilty about it most days his hunger normally wins out over his guilt.

"Yup" Dean grins at him.

"Thank you" Cas attempts to say casually but the sincerity behind his words is more than obvious.

Oblivious to staring Samandriel began to complain about the amount homework given in Biology "I mean just because I can do it doesn't mean I should have to. There's plenty of other things I could be doing with my time"

To which Dean responds with "Oh really? Like what?"

"Well, like... sleeping" to which the two continued to tease and challenge one another until they concluded Samandriel hated homework just as much as Dean hated marking work.

The rest of the day is nothing spectacular. Cas finds out he got a B in his English assessment, not the best he's ever done but not bad considering the miserable, sleep deprived state he was in when he did the assessment.

Before he knows it, it's the end of the day.

* * *

Cas walks out the school doors intent on walking home before he remembers that he said he'd meet Sam in the parking lot.

He leans against a wall, looking out towards the parking lot. 5 minuets pass before Cas spots Sam talking to Dean. He catches Sam's eye and Sam strides over to him while Dean walks off through the parking lot.

"Hey" Sam grins

"Hello Sam" Cas finds Sam's smile infectious and can't help smiling back.

"You ready to go" Sam gestures towards the parking lot.

"I am" Cas nods before following Sam towards a sleek, black car. The car appears to be much older than the other cars in the lot although in perfect condition, Cas has very limited knowledge about cars but he'd say it was a classic.

Dean walks around to greet him "Hey Cas. Whatcha think of my baby?" His enthusiasm does nothing to help Cas decipher what he's talking about.

Cas stares at Dean and tilts his head to the side. A clear indicator of his confusion.

"That's what he calls the car" Sam helpfully supplies.

"Oh. She is lovely, Dean." Cas vaguely recalls Dean talking about 'his baby's on a few occasions, however he'd assumed Dean was referring to a girl friend or partner. This makes much more sense.

Dean grins wolfishly at Cas "She's a 67' Chevy impala" he pats the car affectionately before opening the back door.

"You wanna sit up front with the cool Winchester or it in the back with this nerd?"

Cas hesitates before deciding it's safer to sit with Sam. Dean is still his teacher after all.

During the short drive Sam and Cas converse idly, topics ranging from school to weekend plans to faviourite flavour ice cream, Cas finds vanilla the most satisfying while Sam prefers strawberry, and Dean doesn't care what flavour the ice cream is as long as it comes with pie!

They pull up outside a small apartment complex. As they unlock the door and head up the stairs Sam speaks up.

"It's not much, but Dean's saving up to buy a house"

Cas nods, unsure how else to respond to that.

On the second floor they walk down the hall to the 4th door on the left, Dean pulls out a set of keys and opens the door gesturing for Sam and Cas to enter first.

Following Sam inside, Cas takes in his surroundings. Sam was right it isn't much, there's a couch, a TV on one side of the room and on the other side is a kitchenette. Cas can see two doors on the far side of the room, one appears to be a bathroom and he assumes the other must be a bedroom, they both appear to be quite small which brings a question to Cas' mind.

"There is only one bedroom" Cas turns to look at Sam questioningly.

Sam glances over at Dean as he closes the door behind himself. "Um yeah, that's my room. The couch is a pull out, Dean sleeps there..." Sam doesn't sound happy about it; it seems him and Dean may have argued about it on many occasions.

"I see" Cas looks over at Dean.

Dean rubs his neck "You want somethin' to drink, Cas?"

"I'm okay, thank you."

Dean shrugs "Suit yourself" before pulling a beer out of the fridge.

"Should we do this is my room?" Sam asks

"Sure" Cas readjusts his bag before following Sam to the tiny bedroom.

2 hours later Sam and Cas have long since stop discussing biology and are instead spread out on the floor in hysterics. That's how Dean finds them when he interrupts to ask about dinner.

"Want Chinese tonight, Sam?" Dean's holding his phone in his hand, ready to dial the Chinese place.

"Sure" Sam and Dean turn to look at Cas simultaneously.

"D'you want to stay for dinner, Cas"

Cas has to bite his tongue and avoid looking at Sam who is giving him the puppy dog eyes. "I wouldn't want to intrude"

"Nonsense. The more the merrier, right Sam?"

Sam nods his head eagerly "Yeah"

Cas smiles shyly "Okay"

Dean grins "Great. Got any specific requests, Cas? I know Sam wants his veggie crap"

"No" and with that response Dean grins once more before leaving to make the call.

Half an hour later Cas is pouring pots of various noodles on his plate, grinning at Dean.

"Good?" Dean's eyes crinkle in amusement.

"Very" Cas stuffs another too big forkful in his mouth, resulting in a collective of noodles hanging from his lips. Dean and Sam chuckle at him; Dean ends up with a noodle in his hair while Sam appears to be wearing half of his dinner.

The three of them watch a movie after dinner. Cas has no idea what is going on in the movie and keeps asking questions although Dean pretends to be exasperated by this both him and Sam patiently answer each of Cas' questions. At 8:20 Cas decides he better head home, declining Dean's offer to drive him; but Dean won't take no for an answer and grabs his car keys.

It's a short drive back with Cas quietly giving directions. They pull up outside Cas' house, Cas is thankful that it's a little too dark to tell how run down the place is.

Dean bids Cas goodnight and waits until Cas is safely inside before driving off.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this took so long! But life was like "Here have a bunch of responsibilities and a sort of social life on top of it" and I haven't had any time since. I pre-warn you the next chapter will probably take a few months too but I am determined to finish this. Even if I forget about it for a whole year and then just randomly update, I will finish this!

  
The next day Cas wakes up and goes about his morning routine. He can't help but feel oddly lonely, despite usually having the house to himself. Spending the evening with Sam and Dean had him longing for something that spending time with Gabriel and Samandriel hadn't. Company. Except that's not quite it, it's the feeling of being accepted with no pity. Feeling normal.

Milk sloshing over the side of his bowl snaps Cas out of his thoughts. He stares at the milk leaking across the counter top, and dripping on to the floor, with a pained expression. That's a good percentage of his library wage wasted.

Cas sighs as he reaches for the dish cloth to clean his mess. At least father isn't home. The thought only lifts his spirits a little because his father will return eventually, and like clockwork that day always seems to be Friday.

It's pretty ridiculous that his father only comes home one day a week. After all these years Cas is no wiser to where his father stays almost every night, the likely explanation would be that he stays passed out at a bar until the early hours of the morning. But Cas will never truly know for certain.

* * *

 

Upon arriving at school Cas is greeted by Sam, and shuffled over to Sam's group of friends. Jess, Charlie and Kevin.

Jess and Kevin greet him politely while Charlie throws her arms around him. Cas goes rigid, shocked by the sudden display of affection. He's spoken to Charlie a few times in Math but never had an actual conversation outside of discussing fractions, so this sort of behaviour was quite a surprise.

Sam practically has to pry her off of Cas. "Yeah, sorry she's a hugger"

"It's true" Charlie shrugs.

Cas musters a small smile "That's quite alright." And it is, because despite Castile's slight discomfort at first, he found he quite enjoyed receiving such affection, something which he has had very little of in his life. Gabriel isn't much of a hugger, he prefers to show his affection in other, more annoying, ways.

The group falls into light conversation regarding classes and upcoming weekend plans. Cas joins the conversations occasionally but mostly just listens. It feels...good.

* * *

  
Cas spends the Christmas holidays switching between Gabriel's Apartment and the Winchester's place. Even on the Friday a week before Christmas Cas is able to sneak out of his house when his father turns up with a woman, paying no attention to Cas what so ever.

It's the happiest Cas has been for a long time when he stays over Sam's and Dean's that Friday night.

"You want a drink, Cas" Dean says as he pulls out a bottle of beer from the fridge.

"I'm underage" Cas tilts his head to the side, regarding Dean carefully.

"I have more than beer in the fridge, you know" Dean smirks "Besides I told Sammy he's not allowed to drink 'til he's 18, so you're in the same boat"

"Which is hypocritical 'cause he started drinking at 15" Sam pipes up.

Cas frowns looking between the brothers "but the legal age to drink is 21"

"Yeah here, but the legal age to drink in England is 18" Dean winks.

"You've been to England?" Cas tilts his head curiously.

"No, but they're age to drink is more reasonable" Dean grins cheekily.

Cas squints at Dean "I see" he says slowly.

* * *

  
Later that night the three of them sit curled up on the couch watching The Hobbit.

"I don't understand how having large feet makes him stealthy. Surely it should do the opposite." Cas squints at the TV.

"Well technically-"

"Shhh. Both of you, I'm tryna watch." Dean cuts Sam off and leans forward in seat to hear the TV better.

Sam and Cas share a smile at Dean's behaviour, before returning their attention to the movie.

Before long Sam and Cas have fallen a sleep. Sam resting between the arm rest and backrest arms flung across each one, with a leg propped up on Cas' knee and the other resting on the floor. Cas remains half sitting up half laying on Dean, head resting on Dean's shoulder.

Dean carefully removes his phone from his pocket to snap a picture of the two of them before waking them up to get ready for bed.

Cas let's out a groan as Dean gently shakes his shoulder, before burying his head further into Dean's arm.

Dean chuckles as he shifts to get up leaving Cas to fall face first into the couch cushion. Yet another groan. Except Cas is moving this time, slowly, but he's moving.

Dean moves on to Sam and goes straight for his feet sliding him half way of the couch and gently setting him on the cold floor, Sam let's out a whine when his exposed lower back comes into contact with what feels like ice at that very moment.

Dean continues to chuckle at the two sleepy morons "Alright, sleepy heads. Time to get off my bed and into your own"

Groans emanate from the two piles of limbs before they start sitting up and heading towards Sam's room. Dean chuckles to himself while preparing the couch for him to sleep on.


	8. Chapter 8

_It's a short chapter, but I haven't been writing much I do have more written but instead of writing myself into a brick wall again, I'm gonna make sure I have a little bit written for the next chapter each time._

* * *

 

The next morning Cas wakes to the smell of bacon. He turns to look up at Sam and finds him fast asleep.

Castiel yawns and trudges into the kitchenette. Dean glances over his shoulder and grins.

"Morning sunshine. Coffee?"

Cas blearily rubs his eyes waiting for them to adjust to the new lighting. "Mmm yes please" he mumbles.

He hears the tea spoon clank against the mug and then feels a hand on his shoulder guiding him into the living room to sit on the couch.

Dean places the warm mug of coffee into Cas' hands and ruffles his hair before heading back into the kitchen.

"Thank you, Dean." Cas finally manages once he's processed the situation.

"Anytime." Dean brushes it off "Did you sleep well?"

"Yes. Very well, thank you."

"Good." Dean settles down next to Cas with his own mug of coffee. They watch the television for an hour or so before Sam groggily makes his way through the living room and into the kitchen.

"Morning, early bird!" Dean teases.

Sam grunts in response and pours himself some coffee. After he takes his first sip he seems increasingly more awake, so much so that Cas has to do a double take when Sam cheerfully says Good morning.

"Back to the living now, are we?" Dean jibes.

"Yeah. What you guys watching?" At Sam's question Dean discreetly changes the channel.

"Doctor Sexy" Cas responds rendering Dean's efforts futile.

Sam raises an eyebrow at his brother "I thought you said that was a one time thing?"

"It was!" Dean defends.

"You have a vast amount of knowledge of this show, that says otherwise." Cas squints at Dean and tilting his head in what appears to be his usual confused manner but Dean knows better. Cas is challenging him.

"You're a vast amount of knowledge!"

Sam snorts and recieves a pillow in the face for his efforts.

******  
Later that day, The three of them are in the kitchen preparing dinner. Sam quickly heads to the bathroom. And Cas' momentary distraction at seeing Sam practically sprint out of the kitchen, gives Dean the advantage he needs.

Cas jerks when he feels Dean smear mash on his cheek andd stands there gawking for second before pouncing into action and returning the favour.

"Right that's it!" Dean grabbed a handful of Mash from the pot and throws it at Cas. This then turns into an all out food war until Sam returns from the bathroom then the two of them turn on him.

It's safe to say they didn't have much left over for dinner.


	9. Chapter 9

Monday morning was a new experience for Castiel. He was in a good mood for the first time since he could remember and it showed.

Samandriel certainly noticed and looked at Cas quizzically until Cas mentioned he spent Friday and Saturday night at Sam's and Dean's.

"Hey Alfie" Dean grins as he seats himself at the lunch table and immediately digs into his burger.

Samandriel glares at Dean for addressing him by his middle name before turning back to the conversation he was having with Cas.

"So you think Gabriel made you half deaf yesterday?"

"Yes." Cas replys picking up the burger Dean had placed in front of him.

"His singing is really that bad?"

"When he's singing directly into you're ear, yes."

"What's this about Gabriel singing?"

"He met a girl." Samandriel supplies

Dean looks confused for a second before realisation dawns on his face "Ah, I see."

"I'm not so sure it's a good thing, I'd much rather keep my hearing" Cas grumbles but the small smile creeping up his lips says otherwise. He's happy for Gabriel, really.

Dean suddenly ducks his head and hunches his body low over the table.

"Dean?"

Cas and Samandriel glance around the cafeteria not being able to figure who or what Dean was hiding from.

"Mr Kelsey has been giving me the stink eye for weeks. Told me off for  
'making friends with students' or whatever"

Samandriel and Cas finally settle their gaze on the man in discussion. He a slim man with a black suit, glasses and a permanent frown.

"So you're not suppose to be eating with us?" Samandriel asks

"According to him I'm not." Dean slyly turns to glare at said man "but I was read the rules on my first day and there's nothing in there about not being allowed to eat with students and make friendly conversation. I'm obviously not allowed to let it effect my teaching but it's not like I'm dating a student, Geez." Dean huffs before casting an unreadable glance at Cas.

Samandriel glances back over at the teacher "Well Mr Kelsey is a Grumpy, disliked-"

"Perhaps he has a crush on you" Castiel interrupts with his usual somber tone, still staring at Mr Kelsey with a calculating look.

Both Dean and Samandriel turn to stare at Cas in disbelief.

"Really Castiel? I mean look at him. I don't think he even experiences feelings" Samandriel responds.

"Yeah, i'm with Alfie on this one. The guy is stuck up and he despises me, what part of that suggests he has a crush on me?"

Cas squints at Dean "He has targeted you specifically-"

"Bullies do that" Samandriel interjects.  
  
" -He often hovers nearby, and like now sends nervous glances in your direction." Cas carries on unperturbed.

Samandriel and Dean look over at Mr Kelsey and again and sure enough he's looking in their direction before suddenly turning away.

"That doesn't mean anything." Dean states

"He stole your Textbook in order to give it back to you." Cas insists.

"He did not-" Dean cuts himself off "I lost- He practically threw that thing at me and threatened me about losing it again!" Dean huffs "What part of that screams I have a huge crush on you?"

Cas tilts his head "All of it. He uses hatred as a rebuff, possibly because he is conflicted about his feelings for you."

Dean doesn't have a response to that.  
********

The next week punishes Cas for his few short days of happiness. His father is ruthless Friday night and sticks around Saturday just to torment him, or at least it feels that way to Cas. It seems his father running low on money, this has happened once before but Cas is still surprised it doesn't happen more frequently, he suspects his father usually hussels for extra cash.

For a man who spends vertually no time at home with his son, he does actually hold down a steady job. This would hurt Cas the most if he wasn't so grateful that his father wasn't around to hurt him.

Sunday morning Cas waits on Gabriel's doorstep for half an hour before he realises Gabriel isn't going to be back anytime soon. Gabriel had promised to get a key cut for Cas soon but he hadn't had the money to spare at the time.

Cas sighs. Before walking towards Samandriel's house. He gets half way down the road and stops. Samandriel and his family attend Church on Sunday mornings, and spend the evening together as family. He wouldn't want to intrude on their family day but he isn't sure it's safe for him to be alone right now.

Cas rubs his temples in frustration before remembering Sam and Dean's invitation for him to come over whenever. He turns around and starts heading to the block of appartments a couple of roads down.

By the time Cas reaches the Winchester's door he's soaked, it started pouring it down not long after he left Gabriel's street.

Sam opens the door and beams at him before realising that Cas is forming a puddle in the hallway.

"Uh Dean, Could you fetch a towel?"

Dean appears from the kitchen and gives Cas a once over. His brow creases as he eyes Cas.

"...Uh sure thing..." Dean heads to the bathroom and returns with an old, worn towel that Cas supposes was once white. He eyes it sceptically.

"Yeah, not great I know but we're getting a new washing machine soon...and new towels" Dean defends as he hands the towel to Cas.

Cas accepts the towel and begins to dry himself as best as he can. As soon as Sam deems him dry enough he pulls Cas over to the sofa.

"What happened?" Sam asks.

"Oh, um nothing. I just went to visit my brother, he wasn't there and I decided to come see you two. Evidently I didn't expect it to rain."

Sam looks sceptical at first but then let's out a chuckle "You're an idiot."

"Thank you." Sarcasm drips from Castiel's voice.

The subject gets dropped.


	10. Chapter 10

The whole night Cas can feel Dean's eyes on him. Obviously he's a little more skeptical than Sam, and though Cas doesn't believe Sam is truly naive enough not to know something is up, he has at least let the matter go...For now. Dean, however, has not.

 

Castiel's suspicions are confirmed when Dean corners him on his way out of the bathroom. Sam is already in his bedroom, so there's no chance of him coming to the rescue anytime soon.

 

"Hey Cas." Dean speaks softly. He places a hand on Castiel's shoulder, Cas flinches despite himself. Dean quickly retracts the hand.

 

"I don't want to sound like a broken record, but if there's anything going on. Anything at all. You know you can tell us, right? We can try and help."

 

Cas notes the ' _we'_   in Dean's speech, as though Dean thinks that if Cas won't speak to him he might speak to Sam. Which is understandable, he and Sam are the same age and good friends; but there's something about Dean that makes Cas want to be honest...About everything.

 

Cas grits his teeth. He can't. He can't talk about it. His father might find out and punish him; Dean and Sam might look at him differently; the police might get involved and take his father away from him...That last one shocks him slightly. He'd thought that's what he wanted. _Justice_. Apparently not. He understands his father on some level, why he does what he does, but that doesn't make it okay. Cas _knows_ it doesn't make it okay; despite knowing this, he doesn't want to get his father in trouble. Despite everything he still loves his father.

 

Yes, he still wants to move as far away from his father as possible as soon as he can. And he doesn't wish to ever have any contact with him once he does that...But he doesn't want to go out of his way to _hurt_ his father. He doesn't want to ruin his father's life more than he already has.

 

This realisation is why Cas keeps his mouth shut. He doesn't know what Dean will do. As a teacher he's obligated to report such things to the school, and it's only logical the school will get the police involved.

 

Cas shakes his head, no. "I'm fine, Dean."

 

Dean backs off "Well then, if you're not too tired there's a Doctor Sexy Marathon on..." He leaves the question hanging between them.

 

Cas stares at the door to Sam's room, conflicted. _He really should go to bed._ He looks back at Dean's open expression and makes his decision.

 

"I do enjoy Doctor Sexy." He quirks a smile Dean's way.

 

Dean's face breaks out into a grin. "I knew you had good taste." He snatches up the remote and slumps down on the sofa "Just don't tell Sam this time, alright?" He looks at Cas with amusement twinkling in his eyes.

 

Cas nods in silent agreement.

* * *

 

Castiel's life seems to start pulling in two different directions. Things with his father gradually get worse, nothing his father is doing is necessarily any different but he feels differently about it. He's always felt the pain and the overwhelming shame that follows, albeit far less strongly than now; the other emotions are new though or perhaps they're old feelings he'd long since forgotten. Hope. Escape doesn't feel like an unachievable dream that he'll never be able to grasp no matter how hard he tries, anymore. Disappointment. For his aunt and uncle for knowing something was wrong but allowing Gabriel and himself to return to their father and later breaking contact with them altogether.

 

The most startling feeling, however, is the uncharted anger. The kind of fury that ignites his veins and boils his blood, leaving a roaring fire in his chest. He's angry about all of it. He's angry at his father for doing such things to him. He's angry at his neighbors, at his schools, at the authorities for not realising what is going on. He's angry at Gabriel for leaving him. Most of all he's angry at life itself, at God for letting this happen to him, for letting it happen to anyone. And He's angry at himself, at his 7 year old self for lying to Miss Hannah about why he was limbing, because his father said it was a secret. He's angry at himself now for not telling Dean when he asked.  He knows most of its irrational but that doesn't stop it.

 

He's just angry, sad and bitter all the time. And despite having Gabriel to confide in...He feels alone. He needs to change that.

 

His friendship with Sam and Dean is thriving. As much as it scares him to taint that he needs to talk to someone. He needs someone, who doesn't fear his father like Gabriel or reluctantly love him like himself, to put things into perspective for him. He just needs to talk about it.

* * *

 

Dean had expected Cas to break down again at some point but when he did it still took him by surprise. It was so sudden, one moment they were teasing each other over video games with jibes like "Take that!" And "Suck it!" Then the next Cas became awfully quiet and Dean turned to find him staring into space his eyes slightly glazed.

 

"Cas?" Dean had put a gentle hand on his shoulder and that was all it took because suddenly Cas was crying. Dean could do nothing but hold him, as innapropriate as it might of been if they were in the school, Dean pushed pass any concerns about school rules and squeezed Cas tighter.

 

* * *

_Sorry about the long wait and its only short but i've had this written for a while but couldn't manage to upload it on my phone so I finally took the time to send the file to my laptop and upload on here, which is much less difficult. However, i'm sorry to say I haven't written anything for this in quite a few months and i'm not sure if i will write much more but I promise I'll try. I have like another paragragh already written I just need to get back into the swing of things and see where I go from there._

 


End file.
